Much A-Do About Something

The Leafs are at somewhat of a cross roads right now, as they were last year and the year before and the one before that.  The corner of "tire fire" and "no, dig UP, stupid" is familiar territory for us Leafs fans, and the team looks, as per usual, poised to pull an illegal right hand turn straight down Tire Fire Lane, again.

"But if you're so smart, what would YOU do? Mr Armchair GM?" they ask (those two guys are real pushy).
"Well" I respond "I'd do this" and then I list things in a bullet point break down because people love lists, 10 points of course, what? I wanna work for buzzfeed.

1- James Reimer - Sign him, sign him right fucking now to anything Bernier contract or under. There is ZERO reason not to, I've been over this countless times on twitter and other sites, and I mean it. Zero reason not to retain Reimer. And don't play that "he might not want to be a back up" crap with me because it doesn't matter, the Leafs arn't in the feelings game, they are in the win hockey games game. If Reimer wants to go off into the sunset, he can play his way to significant trade value and garner that.

2- Dave Bolland - Give him a bottle of sunscreen and tell him to enjoy Florida. His injury is too scary, his demands too high, he is still rehabilitating an insane injury, he has never broken 50 points and wants 5 million dollars and he needs a special skate for the rest of his life because of his injury.

3- Tim Gleason- Pay him to go away, he's awful and every single Marlie could be a better Leafs defenceman than him. Yes, Drew Macintyre included.

4- Tyler Bozak- See, I think Tyler had himself a whale of a season, and kudos for him, but the only thing to do that makes sense long term is trade him. He's 28 years old, has never scored 50 points despite playing between 2 30 goal scorers for a good while and Phil Kessel his entire career and his value will never be higher. I  have many doubts about what he can do away from Kessel if the Leafs do get a legit 1C (or wake up and realize Kadri is better and should center Kessel and JVR). He's a defensive black hole and actually isn't very good at faceoffs.
Sell High.

5- Nazem Kadri- Don't trade him unless someone is stupid enough to offer you the moon.

6- Jake Gardiner- See Kadri.

7- Nik Kulemin- If he takes under 3.25 million, sign that yesterday

8- Cody Franson- I'm not as down on Cody as most are (or as high on him as a select few) and think he is a pretty darned good defenceman. He is VERY good offensivly and his defensive fancy numbers are quite good. He is the prime example of a good player being horrifically burned by a terrible system, Carlyles circus turns him into a visual nightmare. Put Franson with a nice mobile D (like, say, Gardiner or Rielly) who can use and abuse the fantastic first pass that Franson possesses and watch the magic.

9- Draft- oh joy the draft, who doesn't love the draft? Well if I had my way, the Leafs selection priority goes
   - Dont trade up, you will get ripped off
   - Dont trade down unless your guy falls and you can rip someone off
   - Draft, in order of want the following
Reinhart, Bennett, Ekblad, Draisaitl, DalColle, Nylander, Ehlers, Fabbri,           whoeverbecauseitsunlikelythatyoudontdraftat8

10 -Carlyle - Fire him. Right now. Into the sun. Bylsma is still available! Why are you just sitting there? DO IT YOU RUBE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?


/endscene

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I don't love this team.


Don't get me wrong, I love the Toronto Maple Leafs, I always have and I always will, but I don't love this team, this assortment of players, this management team, this coaching staff, none of it.
That isn't to say I do not like this team. I'd even go as far as to say I am in like with this team, but we had a rough summer and the spark is missing.

I was in love with this team last year, during the playoffs I was head over heals in love with them. We laughed, we cried, we danced in the rain during the good times and we cried on each others shoulders during the end.

Then IT happened. The offseason. You all know the moves, the contracts and the buyouts and you all probably follow me on twitter so you know how I feel about them so I won't drone on and repeat what has been said (again), but I will say this, the Toronto Maple Leafs broke my heart with what they did in the off season and I am not ready to love again, at least not yet. I will grow to love them one day again, I am sure, but I need time.

A wise man once told me "I cheer for laundry" and it's true, I will always cheer for that jersey, but don't expect me to be happy about what's inside it 100% of the time.

And that's all I got to say about that

Opening A Door

Hi, I'm JaredofLondon, you might remember me from such blogs as "Die Hard Blue and White: the Goofiest shit you've ever read" or "Pension Plan Puppets: Why is this idiot always here?"
After many moons away and many false promises, yes, I am back. New blog, new gimmick, same oddball writer.
For those of you who don't know me, I started blogging way back in 2006 when shit was very different, only a handful of Leaf-centric blogs existed that provided content worth reading, hell DownGoesBrown (name drop) wasn't even on the map breaking in was easy, now.....well now there are literal zillions of Blog-o-Leafers out there.
This blog will be much more serious than the last, which isn't saying much for the cheap gimmicks and whimsy that ruled my old haunt, no this one will be very Leaf analysis based and less Leaf song parody and MSpaint photochop based. Don't worry, that doesn't mean advanced stats, number tracking and all that, numbers are my enemy, I hate those fuckers. I'm just gonna talk Leafs and analyze them with my own personal tang.
As this is an opening piece, there won't be any break down of extended sorts just yet, but I'll give you all a quick break down of my general views on current Leaf affairs.

The Toronto Maple Leafs - Love em, it will kill me, but I will love them forever.
Dave Nonis - I don't trust people who look like a certain Colombian hockey blogger.
Randy Carlyle - hate his systems, hate his player choices, has a very large head.
David Clarkson- potentially very useful player, nigh on guaranteed SS Titanic of a contract.
Tyler Bozak- luckiest bro douche in the world,
Phil Kessel- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Advanced Stats- useful, budding, getting better, just don't ask me to tell you what they mean.
Wendel Clark- I've met him twice and lived. Come at me bro.
Johnny Bower- I've met him twice too, he's a swell dude.
Leafs Blogs- Love me, please god love me I crave attention and need your validation!

Oh, Right, and the Leafs play the Cup champ Black Hawks tonight, a little pee just came out.
Book mark this shit. I have actual articles coming.

Here's a picture of me with a mustache to keep you warm until the next post.